Today I actually showered. And brushed my hair. And went out into the world. Saw "Julie & Julia" (which I highly recommend) and "500 Days of Summer" (which I don't).
I also cooked some awesome pulled BBQ chicken only to discover that we are out of bread, so I ate it straight out of the pot. I am as classy as ever.
My friend, Joe, is trying to send a stage management gig my way. I am a bit skeptical of the entire project, though. Joe was interviewing to be the set designer, and he asked the writer/director/producer guy if he had a stage manager, to which he replied "what's a stage manager?" It would only be a few hundred bucks (I said I wouldn't do it for less than $400), and probably a 40 hour time commitment spread out across the month of September. But I just don't know if that's really something I want to commit to.
I wish I would hear back about the touring job. Yes or no I just want to be able to commit to something.
----
I am not entirely sure what I am doing anymore. I feel like an elephant trying to squeeze through the eye of a needle. Am I trying to force myself onto an industry that just doesn't want me? Is it me? Or is it them?
I just want someone to sit down with me and tell me what to do. Maybe that's why I am good at school, there's no end of people telling me what to do there. I think I am just starting to feel defeated (which isn't a new feeling), but even worse than that, I am starting to feel apathetic about it.
I got a lovely care package from my mom (THANK YOU MOM!!), but in it came the summary of my student loans. I.JUST.CAN.NOT.LOOK.AT.IT. I want to call them and have someone explain to me what everything means, and have them listen to me when I explain that I don't have a job or money, and have them say--we'll that's all right, we can take care of you. But I know they won't, because they just want to suck my last few pennies away.
I thought I grew up a lot during college, but I am pretty sure I just found the tip of the iceberg. Now I'm discovering that 90% of the mass was actually under the water, and until now I was just too stupid to look under the surface.
And really, the hardest part is that I am alone. I have a few friends here, but no one I really confided in before. Maybe I just wasn't ready for this.
Dearest Maddie!
ReplyDeleteRezza and I are very proud of you - just keep on with your journey - every day may be a windy road but also, for such an extraordinarily talented, well prepared and determined young woman (like yourself) any road can be a winning road. Don't second-guess yourself - that can undermine your most valuable asset - enthusiasm. You have every right to pursue your dreams and goals - which you have shown such great discipline and talent. Stay out there - keep meeting people - the best producers and/or directors will recognize your gifts - and don't work for someone who does not know what a Stage Manager is - you don't have time for that. North of Temecula, at San Jacinto Community College, there is a very well connected director of theater arts. I know you probably want to remain focused on the lines you've already cast (probably a wise idea)- so just let me know if you get to a point where you'd like to expand your search for something more stable. I will look in my old files to try to find that director’s name - I think she would remember me and I know she would be willing to pass along your resume - or even try to recruit you as an instructor.
Love, Uncle Myron
and Rezza